I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
