Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Don't EVER smell your tampon
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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