I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
