I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
