Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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