make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
