Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Randomize
