Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
