Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
