The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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