My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
