I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
then he tried to convert me to islam
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
