You smell like stripper and shame
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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