A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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