Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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