Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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