awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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