I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
We need to get me chipped asap
Randomize
