So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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