Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
