as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
