just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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