Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize
