Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
