I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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