It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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