You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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