im drinking this country out of the recession.
someone get that fucking seahorse.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
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