You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Randomize
