i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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