my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
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