found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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