Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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