my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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