o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Randomize
