Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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