I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Randomize
