i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
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