K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Randomize
