butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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