So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize