i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
