no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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