i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
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