I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
