Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
