? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
