He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I love you. Go after that dick
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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