R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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