We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
