Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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