Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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