No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Randomize
