I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
